Volleyball was her favorite game. The highlight of each day was her trip to the courts to compete fiercely. Unfortunately, one day it all came to a screeching halt. She leapt high above the net as usual to spike the ball. Landing proved devastating as she felt her ankle snap.
I am sure any sportsman experienced this at some time. I used to play soccer in school and in a practice session, just a day before the tournament, I hurt my toes and was unable to play most part of it. I still miss that moment..
ReplyDeleteYour word choice is very effective at helping the audience visualize what is happening throughout the story. The excitement to play, the action on the court, and then the sudden end in which you could hear everything stop.
ReplyDeleteI too liked your word choice, after the last sentence, I almost felt the pain and touched my ankle :d. Good story, Alan!
ReplyDeleteI agree, you were able to capture my attention (your audience) I felt her pain.
ReplyDeleteOuch! Very interesting story. I enjoyed this as the very last word in the story held the greatest importance "snap."
ReplyDeleteAlan
ReplyDeleteA sports story that the audience could relate to! I felt the pain!
Anyone who has really broken a bone knows what that "snap" sounds and feels like and what it means. Good means of conveying that feeling.
ReplyDeletePainful story. Well told.
ReplyDeleteAlan,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job of capturing your audience’s attention with your use of vivid imagery. Furthermore, I think everyone can relate to a time during which they hurt themselves and the injury prevented them from doing something they wanted or from reaching an accomplishment. In fact, your story brought back memories of when I tore my ACL in a basketball tournament my junior year of high school and was forced to miss 9 months of sports my senior year after having surgery.